


Born to Die

by Just_a_bunch_of_letters



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Cancer, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Sad, derek/cancer, sterek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2014-10-26
Packaged: 2018-02-22 17:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2516483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_a_bunch_of_letters/pseuds/Just_a_bunch_of_letters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek swore to himself that he would never get involved. It would just be easier. If he was already alone, then what's the point. That is, until, a young boy brings light into Derek's forever dark abyss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Born to Die

Derek knows that no attachments would make this… thing, this situation… easier. That no hope would help to not prolong the process. If he's already alone, then what's the point?

But sometimes you can't help but fall for the wrong person. To see a light when you thought only darkness could veil. And sometimes it's hard not to hope. 

***  
"You are absolutely stunning." Stiles absently curled Derek's chest hair in his fingers. "Beautiful." 

Derek smiled. No one had ever called him beautiful. No one had even taken the time to notice. But Stiles was different. Stiles was observant and into the little details. And Derek liked that. 

Stiles ran his hands up and over Derek's biceps and down into the hollow abyss between Derek's neck and shoulders. Memorizing his way around Derek's body. Touching and finding places that most people had never seen. 

With drowsy eyes, Stiles ran his fingers through Derek's wavy, black hair. Scraping his blunt nails across the endless patch of hair. Every once and a while tickling Derek's neck with his fingertips. 

Ecstasy. That's what Derek felt.  
***

Derek didn't do anything when the doctors had laid the word 'terminal' upon him. Nothing was good, emotions bad. 

That's what Derek believed, until Stiles had started to trickle into his life. It was subtle at first. Then major to end with. And Derek's views on emotions slightly shifted. Maybe some were okay. 

***  
The purple wolfsbane flowers that lie on the cold stone didn't remind him of his mother. They reminded him of death. And death he had come to accept. Death was easy. Thinking about it was not. 

And maybe that's why he reminded himself to not feel. And that's defiantly why Stiles' warm hand was holding his clammy one, holding onto the feelings that Derek couldn't bear any longer. 

Derek's bleak features never swayed to betray any feeling. Then he walked away, leaving Stiles at the cold rock. 

Behind the frosted over windows of his Camaro, he saw Stiles kneeling by the tombstone. His lips moving as if he was talking. Why did Stiles have the gut to do that and not Derek. Stiles hadn't even met the body buried six feet under. 

Once they were driving back Derek asked about what Stiles was doing back at the cemetery. 

"Meeting your mom." Stiles said it as if everyone did that. And Derek envied him a little more.  
***

Sometimes it hurt more than others. The deep ache that settled in his chest. It was starting to be more physical than before. It had taken shape, spread its wings and… spread. 

Stiles was aware of all of this. Derek knew that deep down he wanted to help, but they had already tried that. Several times actually. And it didn't touch the dreaded thing. Not one bit. 

***  
Derek was pretty sure that Stiles was more sad than Derek when he helped Derek shave his head. Tuffs of hair had started to fall out in odd places so Derek had insisted on having it shaved. But after the hair was gone, this… thing, was suddenly real. 

The loss of appetite, and the vomiting whenever Derek did eat didn't help anything. Stiles was now practically living with him. More of a live in nurse than a boyfriend. 

Derek slept more than anything. He was always tired, his weak body never wanting to comply to anything anymore. And every few weeks he would go back to get more of the disease pumped into his body. 

Stiles lay next to him one night, just holding him. Right then Derek prayed to a God that he wasn't sure was real, that Stiles would be okay after Derek was gone. Derek didn't want to think of other people, didn't want to get attached. But sometimes it happens. And sometimes you are not around long enough to see where it would have gone.  
***

Everything hurt. Everything always hurt. Why? Derek didn't know. He would like to believe that somehow he deserved it. The pain. Maybe that would make it more bearable. 

But it never did. Just influenced the self loathing. And Stiles wouldn't stand for that. One day he refused to talk to Derek after Derek had said that maybe it would have been better if he was never born. 

Derek had accepted that Stiles would always see value in Derek's life, however long or short it was. 

But everything still hurt. 

***  
Red and blue lights flashed as bitter air blew Derek's blankets around. The ride on the gurney to the ambulance was bumpy and uncomfortable, but Derek managed. Only because Stiles was beside him, though. 

Until they got to the hospital anyway. Stiles wasn't family or a spouse, nor was he a next of kin or anything. So he was stuck in the waiting room. But after they got to the surgery department everything went black for Derek anyway.  
~  
White light stabbed at his eyes as an uncomfortable feeling itched at his chest. Unable to move, Derek panicked. But there he was. Derek's angle. Sleeping in the chair right beside his bed. 

Stiles always looked more peaceful when he slept. He just did.  
***

Two months. That's how long the doctors estimated Derek had left. Nothing had bother him until now. Having your life laid out on a very short line was discouraging. Down putting to the max. And if Derek felt bad, Stiles felt ten times worse. 

***  
After coming home from the hospital the last time, having given up on the chemotherapy, Stiles lost it. His calm demeanor left only a mad person in its place. 

He smashed a lamp and screamed to the wall how unfair life was. Derek was upstairs supposedly sleeping. Stiles wouldn't have ever done anything like that in front of him. Ever. 

But that night Derek didn't sleep and Stiles never came up to bed. They were taking a break off. Off from the depressing hora that Derek always put off. Off from reality.  
***

Stiles mad sure that Derek had the best two months that he possibly could. Being off of the chemo gave Derek more energy, so they went places. 

Art museums, fancy restaurants and plays and movies. They shared ice cream under a blanket of stars and took long walks in beautiful parks. 

Derek had never been a sap, but when your life has a deadline, things change.

***  
"This is delicious," Stiles all but moaned into his ice cream. They were sitting on a park bench, looking up at the sky trying to find constellations. 

Derek stole a bite from Stiles' bowl, his already gone, and Stiles glared. "Watch it, mister."

Derek grinned and stole another. Stiles' eyes went wide and he flicked his spoon onto Derek's nose. The cold substance ran down his face and Derek gasped. They picked at the remaining ice cream to smear on each other and by the time they were done, Stiles' hair had sprinkles littering it and Derek's cheeks were orange and green. 

They sat silent for a moment before Stiles broke. The dam was let free and there was no stopping it. He buried his face in Derek's neck and cried. Just cried. 

He moaned of agony asking what he would possibly do without Derek. "I love you, Derek. The universe can't just rip you away from me like that!" Then he just kept crying.  
***

When Derek got really bad, he stayed in bed. No longer having the energy to do anything in his last few weeks. Derek had made it past the two months but the beginning of the third only brought more pain and suffering. That's when they knew that it was about to end. 

***  
Derek's breathing was raged as he gasped for air. He was too tired for even that. Stiles was by his side though. Feeding him little bites of rice and occasionally letting him sip on water. But they both knew. 

That still didn't weaken the way that Derek felt about him. Love. That's what he felt. True love. "I love you," he whispered on a raged breath. This was his only moment to tell Stiles his real feelings. 

The breaths grew farther apart and Derek was drifting in and out of consciousness. His grip on Stiles' hand loosening ever so slightly with every minute that went by. 

And just like that it ended. No longer would Derek struggle to suck in air or talk or even be. No longer would he wonder how Stiles and himself were going to end up. Now he was gone and there was nothing that could be done.  
***


End file.
